Me: Welcome Sunil; err.. or is it Suniel Shetty? I am extremely grateful that you could accomodate this within your busy schedule.
Me (Smiling): Relax... I was just joking! I thought opening with a joke would be a good ice-breaker.
Sunil, or Suniel: I don't get it!... So you mean to say I am not welcome.
Me: Oh..no..no.. You got it all wrong like your acting. The later part was a joke.. I mean your busy schedule part.
Sunil, or Suniel: Gulp!
Me: Don't get me wrong Suniel, are you really sure there is an additional 'e' in your name? Anyways, what I was saying was that you are a one of a kind actor.
Sunil, or Suniel(smiling): Thank you.
Me: You have been blessed one of the most consistent expressions compared to other actors of your era. Be it Mohra, Gopi Kishan, Border, LOC or Herapheri; you have held the same constipated expression throughout. Why do you want to change it now?
Why 'Thank you'? I want the 'Anna' of old. The public demands the 'Anna' of old.
Sunil, or Suniel: Well. I ....
Me(cutting Sunil or Suniel short): Imdb quotes that - "Your acting skills got noticed. And that you went on to deliver blockbuster hits through your stunning performances." Hey! by the way, you did not write your own mini biography on Imdb. Did you?
Sunil, or Suniel: Gulp! Gulp!
Disclaimer: In case you haven't realized yet, this interview is just a vivid imagination of a rancid mind. All quotes are purely fictional. Parental discretion is advised. Overdose may cause abdominal cramps or side strains.
Me: Hello Varun. Lots of tense moments in the 1st India vs. WI ODI. You managed to hold yourself quite well.
VA: Yeah… I know. The same can’t be said about Rohit though. I wonder what pea-brained committee has selected him for MOM when all he did was to be out bowled to Anthony Dart-in.
Me: Martin, you mean? The leg spinner from WI.
VA: Leg spinner, my foot! The guy can’t even spin a coin on a flatboard.
Me: Your captain mentioned that whatever you say to number 10 or 11, they do as they please. So there is no point in telling you anything.
VA: Did he? I don’t want to comment. Let the records speak for themselves. The 3 ODIs that I have played till now; I haven’t lost my wicket yet. Compare that to Sehwag’s first 3 outings. You know he got out twice, Right? And I am not even comparing the bowling stats! If you don't believe me; look up statsguru
Me: Gulp! Jharkhand has been giving the Indian Cricket Team pretty good talents these days.
VA: Yes. Saba Karim was the epitome of Jharkhand’s enormous talent; until Kumble blinded him in one eye. The poor chap is now doing rounds on various news channels as a cricket expert.
Me: Gulp! Gulp!
Me: One last question, which out viewers wanted an answer to. What were you and Umesh discussing in those last few overs? You seemed to have pretty lively mid pitch conferences every alternate ball.
VA(smiling): Leave it! There’s nothing much to it.
Me: Please. For our viewers.
VA: Umesh was telling me that the new underpants that he was wearing was very uncomfortable. And I was explaining him the benefit of tagless ones.
Me: Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!
Disclaimer: In case you haven't realized yet, this interview is just a vivid imagination of a rancid mind. All quotes are purely fictional. Parental discretion is advised. Overdose may cause abdominal cramps or side strains.
